My children mean the world to me. . . . and even though they drive me absolutely crazy, I wouldn't change anything about my life with them and everything we've gone through . . . .
But. . . Since I'm writing these stories to share our trials and tribulations I will hold back nothing and be honest by saying I didn't have an instant bond with my second born Walker. (Please reference previous blog. ...I'm sorry you shouldn't have more kids for more details on Walkers traumatic birth.) I remember waking up out of post op thinking oh my gosh, I have a son . . . . and I haven't even held him yet. When I did finally hold him for the first time, it just felt kind of weird . . . . I remember thinking WoW, I just almost died . . . . and now I have this baby! I remember my husband walking in with him grinning from ear to ear with HIS new son in his arms. I felt like Walker had already lived so much of his life and I hadn't been a part of it.
I was still scarred from the fact that I didn't get to hold my first born after delivery and had planned on the second birth being different. I was finally officially diagnosed with Platelet Storage Pool Disorder by then, so I went into delivery thinking there would be less complications and surely didn't think I would be going 3-4 hours without being able to meet my son.
I don't know if it was because I was just coming out of my first experience with being under anestia, or if it was because I had lost so much blood, or maybe even already going through some post pardum depression . . . . but I just remember looking down at him and feeling kind of numb. Now I know a couple of hours doesn't seem like much but it did to me at the time. Having to leave the delivery room and get an emergency D&C was never part of our initial birth plan and was something I never prepared for mentally, so as soon as I heard the Dr.'s say they had to take me to the operating room I saw white. I was sure I was going to die that day and I think I was subconsciously a little pissed at him for that.
It's still hard for me to share that with people but I can, because I know now how quickly those feelings changed . . . but I remember feeling back then like something was wrong with me and I must be a horrible mother to be feeling that way.
It didn't take long for those feelings to go away and I couldn't imagine my life now, without Walker. . . . . he has definitely brought a smile to all of our faces . . . he's a mischievous little guy-always getting into trouble (usually because we are focused on his older sister in some way), but does it with such charisma and a smile that all you can do is just give him kisses for it. He truly warms my heart just by looking at him, and I wish I could keep him a 2 year old forever.
I think a lot of it changed for us as soon as my Dr.'s said we couldn't have any more kids. Walker suddenly became the last born . . . the baby of the family, and we've been treating him like a little prince ever since.
For more stories on raising siblings . . Check out
RAISING SIBLINGS< WHEN ONE OF THEM HAS A BLEEDING DISORDER http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/11/raising-siblings-when-one-of-them-has.html
NO, NO BITE: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/no-no-bite.html
But. . . Since I'm writing these stories to share our trials and tribulations I will hold back nothing and be honest by saying I didn't have an instant bond with my second born Walker. (Please reference previous blog. ...I'm sorry you shouldn't have more kids for more details on Walkers traumatic birth.) I remember waking up out of post op thinking oh my gosh, I have a son . . . . and I haven't even held him yet. When I did finally hold him for the first time, it just felt kind of weird . . . . I remember thinking WoW, I just almost died . . . . and now I have this baby! I remember my husband walking in with him grinning from ear to ear with HIS new son in his arms. I felt like Walker had already lived so much of his life and I hadn't been a part of it.
I was still scarred from the fact that I didn't get to hold my first born after delivery and had planned on the second birth being different. I was finally officially diagnosed with Platelet Storage Pool Disorder by then, so I went into delivery thinking there would be less complications and surely didn't think I would be going 3-4 hours without being able to meet my son.
I don't know if it was because I was just coming out of my first experience with being under anestia, or if it was because I had lost so much blood, or maybe even already going through some post pardum depression . . . . but I just remember looking down at him and feeling kind of numb. Now I know a couple of hours doesn't seem like much but it did to me at the time. Having to leave the delivery room and get an emergency D&C was never part of our initial birth plan and was something I never prepared for mentally, so as soon as I heard the Dr.'s say they had to take me to the operating room I saw white. I was sure I was going to die that day and I think I was subconsciously a little pissed at him for that.
It's still hard for me to share that with people but I can, because I know now how quickly those feelings changed . . . but I remember feeling back then like something was wrong with me and I must be a horrible mother to be feeling that way. It didn't take long for those feelings to go away and I couldn't imagine my life now, without Walker. . . . . he has definitely brought a smile to all of our faces . . . he's a mischievous little guy-always getting into trouble (usually because we are focused on his older sister in some way), but does it with such charisma and a smile that all you can do is just give him kisses for it. He truly warms my heart just by looking at him, and I wish I could keep him a 2 year old forever.
I think a lot of it changed for us as soon as my Dr.'s said we couldn't have any more kids. Walker suddenly became the last born . . . the baby of the family, and we've been treating him like a little prince ever since.
For more stories on raising siblings . . Check out
RAISING SIBLINGS< WHEN ONE OF THEM HAS A BLEEDING DISORDER http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/11/raising-siblings-when-one-of-them-has.html
NO, NO BITE: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/no-no-bite.html
Written by,
Kari Peepe
pspdaware@gmail.com
Written by,
Kari Peepe
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