Last week I was reminded of the fact, that simple things like date nights, couples trips and even Halloween parties at the local gym, usually involve a lot of planning . . . followed by a lot of worries.
My husband and I went out to dinner the other night, and once we got to the restaurant, we realized neither of us had our cell phones with us. This sent my husband and I into a state of panic that I'm sure most parents don't endure. We quickly asked to use a local land line to let my mother-in-law know which restaurant we were eating at, so she could call us if there was an emergency. What would ordinarily be a fun/spontaneous time away from the kids, quickly turned into a reminder of how we are NOT ordinary parents.
We don't get to drop our kids off with a babysitter and not have a worry or care in the world. Instead we are constantly on edge, praying something doesn't happen when we are gone, and always checking our phones to make sure the sitter hasn't called. Sometimes I wonder what it must feel like, to not stress so much just because I'm leaving my kids for a few hours. Scarlett's bleeding disorder has us constantly living in fear of the "What if's" of life. . .
What if she falls? What if her brother hits her or throws something at her? What if my phones dead and they can't get hold of me? What if she doesn't tell someone she hit her head? What if the sitter gives her the medicine wrong? What if she gets in a car accident and they don't know she has a bleeding disorder? All these thoughts constantly running through our heads makes it very hard to plan times away. The few occasions we actually decide to leave our kids with someone for more than one night, comes rarely. . . and is usually accompanied with a lot of guilt. My two year old still doesn't sleep through the night and my daughter has a rare bleeding disorder. . . . Usually not the best recipe for friends and family members to be begging to take the children off your hands. But thankfully we have amazing parents and a sister-in-law who insist on us getting a break, and we are forced to have fun and forget about the worries at home every once in awhile, but it doesn't make it any easier.
After my mini breakdown in September, my hubby and I took a much needed 3 day vacation. We decided we just had to go for it and hope for the best. For most parents this is a relaxing time, a time to forget the worries. . . and just be hubby and wife. For us however, I feel that's always different. I have to literally tell myself over and over again that everything is going to be OK. My husband will see me getting that look, where I start biting my lip and has to remind me. . "The kids are fine, enjoy your vacation." I know I must sound like a hypochondriac, but last year when we left town to celebrate our anniversary. . . . we literally were pulling into our hotel in San Francisco, and we got a call from Scarlett's elementary school. She had fallen and hurt her hand. My mom, whom was watching her at the time had to pick her up immediately and keep her out of school for the duration of the week. Ironically we had decided to take our vacation during the week because we thought there would be less chance of her getting hurt on my Mom's watch, if she were at school most of the day. . . I guess we were wrong. It's stories like that which makes it hard for my husband and I to truly relax. Even when we are on vacation, we feel like we can't turn our phones off, or enjoy one too many drinks cause we feel like we have to be prepared for the worst all the time.
My husband and I went out to dinner the other night, and once we got to the restaurant, we realized neither of us had our cell phones with us. This sent my husband and I into a state of panic that I'm sure most parents don't endure. We quickly asked to use a local land line to let my mother-in-law know which restaurant we were eating at, so she could call us if there was an emergency. What would ordinarily be a fun/spontaneous time away from the kids, quickly turned into a reminder of how we are NOT ordinary parents.
We don't get to drop our kids off with a babysitter and not have a worry or care in the world. Instead we are constantly on edge, praying something doesn't happen when we are gone, and always checking our phones to make sure the sitter hasn't called. Sometimes I wonder what it must feel like, to not stress so much just because I'm leaving my kids for a few hours. Scarlett's bleeding disorder has us constantly living in fear of the "What if's" of life. . .
What if she falls? What if her brother hits her or throws something at her? What if my phones dead and they can't get hold of me? What if she doesn't tell someone she hit her head? What if the sitter gives her the medicine wrong? What if she gets in a car accident and they don't know she has a bleeding disorder? All these thoughts constantly running through our heads makes it very hard to plan times away. The few occasions we actually decide to leave our kids with someone for more than one night, comes rarely. . . and is usually accompanied with a lot of guilt. My two year old still doesn't sleep through the night and my daughter has a rare bleeding disorder. . . . Usually not the best recipe for friends and family members to be begging to take the children off your hands. But thankfully we have amazing parents and a sister-in-law who insist on us getting a break, and we are forced to have fun and forget about the worries at home every once in awhile, but it doesn't make it any easier.
After my mini breakdown in September, my hubby and I took a much needed 3 day vacation. We decided we just had to go for it and hope for the best. For most parents this is a relaxing time, a time to forget the worries. . . and just be hubby and wife. For us however, I feel that's always different. I have to literally tell myself over and over again that everything is going to be OK. My husband will see me getting that look, where I start biting my lip and has to remind me. . "The kids are fine, enjoy your vacation." I know I must sound like a hypochondriac, but last year when we left town to celebrate our anniversary. . . . we literally were pulling into our hotel in San Francisco, and we got a call from Scarlett's elementary school. She had fallen and hurt her hand. My mom, whom was watching her at the time had to pick her up immediately and keep her out of school for the duration of the week. Ironically we had decided to take our vacation during the week because we thought there would be less chance of her getting hurt on my Mom's watch, if she were at school most of the day. . . I guess we were wrong. It's stories like that which makes it hard for my husband and I to truly relax. Even when we are on vacation, we feel like we can't turn our phones off, or enjoy one too many drinks cause we feel like we have to be prepared for the worst all the time.
I'm supposed to be leaving my children with a babysitter (thats not a family member) tomorrow night for the FIRST TIME EVER and I'd be lying if I said I haven't lost some sleep because of it. Three hours at the local gym for a Halloween party seems like a huge window of opportunity for Scarlett to get hurt and I am always worried about how seriously people take her bleeding disorder. But I know I have to allow things like this to happen so that she can begin to trust her instincts more and make safe decisions on her own. Each time I leave her in the care of someone else it gets a little easier and I hope someday there will come a time when it doesn't consume my every thought. Until then I'm learning to let go a little bit more and have faith that this too shall pass!
Written by,
Kari Peepe
Written by,
Kari Peepe
©KariPeepe/atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com
For more stories on raising children, when one of them has a bleeding disorder please check out:
- Raising Siblings, when one of them has a special disorder: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/11/raising-siblings-when-one-of-them-has.html
- A Mother's Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-mother-guilt.html
- It Takes a Village: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/it-takes-village.html
- My little prince, (the non bleeder): http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-little-prince.html
- Family Fun Days-keeping the kids entertained safely: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/family-fun-days.html
- My son bites Scarlett: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/no-no-bite.html
- Another Day of Being Riddled w/Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/04/another-day-of-being-riddled-with-guilt.html
- A local flood, fills us with fear: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/flooded-with-fear.html
- Call me paranoid, but this is the parent I've become: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/call-me-paranoid-but.html
- Scarlett learns to give back: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-gift-of-giving.html
- Scarlett learns to advocate: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/proudest-momma-on-blockmy-little.html
- Becoming her own protector: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/infusing-loveher-own-protector.html
For more stories on raising children, when one of them has a bleeding disorder please check out:
- Raising Siblings, when one of them has a special disorder: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/11/raising-siblings-when-one-of-them-has.html
- A Mother's Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-mother-guilt.html
- It Takes a Village: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/it-takes-village.html
- My little prince, (the non bleeder): http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-little-prince.html
- Family Fun Days-keeping the kids entertained safely: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/family-fun-days.html
- My son bites Scarlett: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/no-no-bite.html
- Another Day of Being Riddled w/Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/04/another-day-of-being-riddled-with-guilt.html
- A local flood, fills us with fear: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/flooded-with-fear.html
- Call me paranoid, but this is the parent I've become: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/call-me-paranoid-but.html
- Scarlett learns to give back: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-gift-of-giving.html
- Scarlett learns to advocate: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/proudest-momma-on-blockmy-little.html
- Becoming her own protector: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/infusing-loveher-own-protector.html
Comments