I don't think some people in my life take the time to stop and look at what daily hardships we have to face trying to keep this family together and sometimes it just really pisses me off. There are days I just want to quit my job. . . and just give my all to the family. But I know in my heart of hearts that not only could we never afford that, I would probably lose my mind.
Even though I would love to be a stay at home Mom, I love my job and I think I would go crazy at home with just my kids. I was home with Scarlett for 2 1/2 years and I missed being a preschool teacher. . . I get to laugh and play and watch these amazing little minds work all day. . . but sometimes it's just so hard to give your all to 24 screaming toddlers and then be able to go home and have anything left to give.
In our wildest dreams we never could've imagined the life we are living and in no means did I think we would be under so much added stress because of Scarlett's diagnosis of Platelet Storage Pool Disorder. Since her diagnosis my husband and I agreed, there would always be a parent at home in case of an emergency. Therefore we are living a life filled with endless schedule changes, sleepless nights, and far too many meltdowns because of it.
Our days start around 2:45 am. My poor husband stumbles out of bed and heads off to work at UPS as a supervisor. Most nights I'm lucky enough to fall back asleep for an hour or two, usually woken up by my wonderful son around 5am. . . Shortly followed by my equally wonderful daughter by 6am.
Waking up this early kills me, but I've learned to use these mornings as my alone time with the kids and try to value the time I have to spend with them.
Our mornings are filled with breakfast, showers, teeth brushing, getting dressed, phone calls to relatives, packing lunch boxes and backpacks and any chores and social networking I can squeeze in. We are usually running out the door and heading off to Scarlett's school by 7:45am (which is in a neighboring town, 15 miles away). Most days I'm on campus until around 8:40, then I head off to work, which is another 10 miles down the road. Anywhere between 9-10am my husband comes and picks up my son Walker from the pre-school and heads home so they both can take a nap before commuting back to go pick up Scarlett from school.
I've tried to help my husband countless times by trying to change my schedule at work and even cut back my hours so that I can help pick Scarlett up and help with her homework, extra curricular activities, and the chores around the house. . . but that just never seems to work out. We can't really afford it and it's really hard for me to get a consistent schedule at work.
So I'm always left feeling guilty for the load my husband has had to take on . . . and worried that eventually he's not going to be able to handle it . . . and then what the hell are we going to do?
As if my schedule wasn't crazy enough part of Scarlett's 504 plan this year includes me being on campus at least twice a week to enable Scarlett a chance to play out on the playground during lunch. Luckily I have a boss that does everything she can to accommodate everyone's needs, so now I open on those days so I don't have to cut my hours too much at work. On these days I've usually got to be at work by 7:30am, so I can be off by noon and on her campus by 12:20. I have to get my daughter to my Mother's by 7am on my early days, so she can take Scarlett to school. . . and my son comes with me until my husband gets off work. These mornings are always crazy and I'm thankful we don't have to endure them everyday.
On the days I volunteer at Scarlett's school, I stay and volunteer in her classroom also until 2:45. Then I usually try and fill the rest of the day with gymnastics, swimming, and any other extra curricular activities she's interested in. But those have been hard to commit to, because my schedule at work isn't usually consistent. I've wanted to get her in ballet for years but it was always in the am's or Thursday afternoons which never seemed to work out with my schedule.
The days that I get off at "5:30pm" are the worst though. . .To say my family falls apart on these days is an understatement. I usually don't really get out of work until 5:45/5:50pm, which puts me at home around 6:15. The kids 8 times out of 10 are screaming and both having some sort of a meltdown as I walk in the door. To say my husband is tapped out and exhausted by then is putting it lightly. I instantly start dinner, barely even saying hello. . . and try to get everyone fed by 6:30/6:45. I've learned to do things like cook lasagnas and casseroles on the weekends that freeze well and that my husband can bring out to cook on these nights. . . Which helps a lot. Dinner is usually followed by one half and hour sitcom and then my husband heads off to bed. Then it's Snuggles. Story time. and the kids are off to bed too. . . Both usually asleep by 8pm.
After everyone's tucked in tight I usually get to sit down and breath for the first time since 5:00 that morning. It usually takes me a long time to decompress and I usually don't go to sleep until around10:30pm. On most nights I'm awoken by Walker at least once and still Scarlett at least twice a week. I joke to people all the time that I haven't slept a solid night of sleep in over 6 years. . .
Most of our weekends are spent filled with birthday parties, family events, trips to the zoo, or countless other events that keep us occupied. We are constantly on the go, but I feel like we still don't have time to be doing everything we want to be doing.
Now, with all that said. . . I know there are millions of other parents out there doing more and living with worse schedules than ours. . . but it doesn't soften the blow for me. I'm still here to admit I don't like it. The constant juggling of schedules, keeping up with everyones wants and needs, being over tired all the time. . . IT SUCKS! And the worst part of it all, is I go to bed's on most days feeling like I still let someone down. I feel like I'm being torn in a thousand directions and I can't please everyone. And being the people pleaser that I am, the days that I feel like a complete failure. . . are the days that I feel like I'm not going to be able to cater to everyone's needs. There are so many more things I want to be doing with the kids and my husband and my family and my friends, but there just aren't enough hours in the day.
I love my life and love my family and am grateful for every moment (well almost every moment) I have with them. . . BUT I'M TIRED and NEED MORE HOURS IN THE DAY. I simply can't be there for everyone like I want to. . . END OF STORY!
Even though I would love to be a stay at home Mom, I love my job and I think I would go crazy at home with just my kids. I was home with Scarlett for 2 1/2 years and I missed being a preschool teacher. . . I get to laugh and play and watch these amazing little minds work all day. . . but sometimes it's just so hard to give your all to 24 screaming toddlers and then be able to go home and have anything left to give.
In our wildest dreams we never could've imagined the life we are living and in no means did I think we would be under so much added stress because of Scarlett's diagnosis of Platelet Storage Pool Disorder. Since her diagnosis my husband and I agreed, there would always be a parent at home in case of an emergency. Therefore we are living a life filled with endless schedule changes, sleepless nights, and far too many meltdowns because of it.
Our days start around 2:45 am. My poor husband stumbles out of bed and heads off to work at UPS as a supervisor. Most nights I'm lucky enough to fall back asleep for an hour or two, usually woken up by my wonderful son around 5am. . . Shortly followed by my equally wonderful daughter by 6am.
Waking up this early kills me, but I've learned to use these mornings as my alone time with the kids and try to value the time I have to spend with them.
Our mornings are filled with breakfast, showers, teeth brushing, getting dressed, phone calls to relatives, packing lunch boxes and backpacks and any chores and social networking I can squeeze in. We are usually running out the door and heading off to Scarlett's school by 7:45am (which is in a neighboring town, 15 miles away). Most days I'm on campus until around 8:40, then I head off to work, which is another 10 miles down the road. Anywhere between 9-10am my husband comes and picks up my son Walker from the pre-school and heads home so they both can take a nap before commuting back to go pick up Scarlett from school.
So I'm always left feeling guilty for the load my husband has had to take on . . . and worried that eventually he's not going to be able to handle it . . . and then what the hell are we going to do?
As if my schedule wasn't crazy enough part of Scarlett's 504 plan this year includes me being on campus at least twice a week to enable Scarlett a chance to play out on the playground during lunch. Luckily I have a boss that does everything she can to accommodate everyone's needs, so now I open on those days so I don't have to cut my hours too much at work. On these days I've usually got to be at work by 7:30am, so I can be off by noon and on her campus by 12:20. I have to get my daughter to my Mother's by 7am on my early days, so she can take Scarlett to school. . . and my son comes with me until my husband gets off work. These mornings are always crazy and I'm thankful we don't have to endure them everyday.
On the days I volunteer at Scarlett's school, I stay and volunteer in her classroom also until 2:45. Then I usually try and fill the rest of the day with gymnastics, swimming, and any other extra curricular activities she's interested in. But those have been hard to commit to, because my schedule at work isn't usually consistent. I've wanted to get her in ballet for years but it was always in the am's or Thursday afternoons which never seemed to work out with my schedule.
The days that I get off at "5:30pm" are the worst though. . .To say my family falls apart on these days is an understatement. I usually don't really get out of work until 5:45/5:50pm, which puts me at home around 6:15. The kids 8 times out of 10 are screaming and both having some sort of a meltdown as I walk in the door. To say my husband is tapped out and exhausted by then is putting it lightly. I instantly start dinner, barely even saying hello. . . and try to get everyone fed by 6:30/6:45. I've learned to do things like cook lasagnas and casseroles on the weekends that freeze well and that my husband can bring out to cook on these nights. . . Which helps a lot. Dinner is usually followed by one half and hour sitcom and then my husband heads off to bed. Then it's Snuggles. Story time. and the kids are off to bed too. . . Both usually asleep by 8pm.
After everyone's tucked in tight I usually get to sit down and breath for the first time since 5:00 that morning. It usually takes me a long time to decompress and I usually don't go to sleep until around10:30pm. On most nights I'm awoken by Walker at least once and still Scarlett at least twice a week. I joke to people all the time that I haven't slept a solid night of sleep in over 6 years. . .
Most of our weekends are spent filled with birthday parties, family events, trips to the zoo, or countless other events that keep us occupied. We are constantly on the go, but I feel like we still don't have time to be doing everything we want to be doing.
I love my life and love my family and am grateful for every moment (well almost every moment) I have with them. . . BUT I'M TIRED and NEED MORE HOURS IN THE DAY. I simply can't be there for everyone like I want to. . . END OF STORY!
Written by,
Kari Peepe
pspdaware@gmail.com
Written by,
Kari Peepe
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