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Living in Vein. . .

I'm a California girl and unfortunately was taught quickly that how I looked played an important role in where I stood on the social ladder. .  and going through adolescence with an undiagnosed bleeding disorder didn't make that any easier.
Unexplained bruises covered my arms and legs. Bloody noses started for no rhyme or reason and countless other embarrassing bleeding episodes took place during my most impressionable years. All in a town where looks seemed to outweigh personality and character.
Fast Forward to me now. A wife, teacher and mother of 2. I'm absolutely exhausted, working my butt off trying to balance being a present Mom, all while working enough to help get food on the table and the bills paid. And although I would like to say that my appearance is always on point. . .that would be a lie. I rarely have time or remember to put on make-up and do my hair, let alone moisturize, exercise, or go shopping for the latest trend.
I must admit. . . I would LOVE to be able to do some of the quick fixes I see other California Moms around me are getting. Fillers, boob jobs, and botox seem to be a normal day to day thing around here . . . all of which I would never get approved to do, because of my rare platelet storage pool disorder. Even doing something as small as a facial with extractions or even picking at at pimple can leave me with a bleeding episode and scabs on my face that last for weeks.
Clothes, fashion and the way I look have always been important to me.
So, Of course I would'nt be able to talk about my appearance without discussing the bruises that cover my hands, arms and legs. Dresses and Skirts got traded in for pants . . .  along time ago. The flood of questions I would get about the unexplained bruises that covered my body and even a call to social services because of my daughter and my bruised appearance. . . became more then I could bare. I've had to learn to feel feminine and/or even sexy while wearing a pair of pants and rarely do people see me in shorts, a dress or a skirt. Occasions where I DO have to wear a dress always poses the question-How bad do my legs look?
On most days I'm OK with this. I can take a deep breath, look myself in the mirror and say these wrinkles on my face just tell my story, show testament to everything I've gone through and are a part of me. But then there are days where my boobs feel extra droopy and I fear my husband is tired of looking at deflated balloons while we're intimate. Or there are days where the wrinkles look so deep that I wish I could just erase them off my face. . But the reality is, I can't.  On the days that I choose to be vein, I have to live through the reality that cosmetic surgery won't ever be a choice for me. I don't get to embark on a lot of the quick fixes other Mom's are getting to help themselves feel younger and rejuvenated.
I'm always saying that my bleeding disorder has taught me so much and learning to live in vein has been so exception. The older I get the more accepting I have become of my flaws and the fact that I can't fix them. I'm learning to love myself no matter what I may look like on the outside, because it's the inner beauty that matters the most.


Written by,
Kari Peepe
©KariPeepe/atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com
http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com

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