My husband and I had always said we wanted 2 kids at the least, ideally three. But that's no longer in the cards for us......After the birth of my second child the Dr's said "I'M SORRY, YOU SHOULD'NT HAVE ANYMORE KIDS!"
I would still choose to describe my first delivery as " a piece of cake". I hadn't been diagnosed with Platelet Storage Pool Deficiency yet, so I went into delivey very confident everything was going to be fine. My family and I had warned the Dr's that we thought I had a bleeding disorder, but beyond that no precautions were put into place. So, when we got to the hospital at @7:30 am and delivered the most precious baby girl by 11:30am with no drugs, what seemed like a few pushes, and (what I was calling) normal blood loss, I was very confident I could do this again.....and again......and again!
Now don't get me wrong, my first delivery was scary......it just wasn't as obvious at the time. My daughter was born with meconium in her system, so the nurses and my husband were somewhat fixated on her and not so much on my blood loss at first. After several minutes of bleeding, that slowly changed.....I still can remember the concerned look on everyone's face when they couldn't get my post partum bleeding to stop. They had to call the Dr in for reinforcement....3 different meds and 45 minutes later, the bleeding stopped! I vaguely remember them telling me I almost needed a blood transfusion that day and I know I was anemic for months, but I was just so caught up in the joys and (exhaustion) of parenting, I ended up remembering it all as a wonderful experience. My husband would describe it differently....he later told me, he thought he was going to gain a child but lose his wife in the same day!
I would describe my second delivery as one of the scariest days of my life. I was diagnosed with my rare bleeding disorder when I was 5months pregnant with my son, Walker. None of the Dr's at Kaiser had ever had a patient diagnosed with Platelet Storage Pool Deficiency, so our cautionary steps were somewhat of a guessing game. After speaking with many different specialists, we came up with a birth plan - absolutely no epidural, a Dr. in the room at all times, measurements of blood loss, try to avoid a c-section, and a platelet transfusion before delivery! Walker was almost 2 lbs bigger than Scarlett and was a lot harder to push out. I remember being in so much pain and looking at my Mom, saying "I can't do this, I can't push him out." My Mom apologized saying " you have to honey, it's the only way he can come out"! A few agonizing pushes later, he did ......followed by a lot of blood. Fortunately for me, I didnt have to see as much as my family did. My Mom describes it "as a picture out of a horror movie"! They tried to stop my bleeding for almost an hour before deciding to wheel me away to the ER. The way my husband hugged me, crying to God, to bring me back safe, is something I'll never forget. I remember being so scared, confused, nobody had really said anything up to this point....the 2 Dr's and 3 nurses that were in the room by this point just looked at each other.....I remember hearing one of them say "it's time, we've got to take her out of here"! I remember a lot of bright lights, blurry faces, and talking after that .....and then waking up in recovery! I had received another platelet transfusion and a D&C procedure.
I hadn't even held my son Walker yet, I remember looking at the clock.....it had been 4 hours since he was born. My husband brought him in right away, he was beautiful! Because we didn't know if Walker had PSPD too, we had to take a lot of precautions with him that day and the following year. They had a nurse on staff just for my son in the hospital and monitored him very close while we were there. We also were told they wouldn't perform a curcumsission on him, something my husband and I still argue about to this day.
When I went back for my 6 week check up is when I heard those words, I'll never forget! At the time it didn't seem so upsetting. I had a hard recovery from Walker's delivery and the thought of putting my body through another one seemed far fetched. It wasn't until recently, now that Walker's older, that I've been able to start processing the fact that I can't have more kids! I just hope by the time my daughter is at the age to think about starting a family, we don't have to tell her she shouldn't have kids because it puts her at to high a risk of bleeding. I'm hopeful that the more we share our story and people get involved the sooner I won't have to worry about this.
Written by,
Kari Peepe
pspdaware@gmail.com
Written by,
Kari Peepe
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