I often find myself wondering if my husband is secretly upset that he married someone with a bleeding disorder. I knew growing up that I had a bruising problem, but being that I wasn't diagnosed with Platelet Storage Pool Disorder until I was pregnant with my second child it wasn't something me and my husband had discussed at great lengths before getting married and having children. I had never taken it into consideration how my disorder would and could affect my husband and the generations to come.
I guess I should start from the beginning . . . . My husband and I met when he was finishing his last year at Chico State. On my first time visiting him for the weekend, I woke up to an accidental elbow to the face. To a normal person it was barely hard enough to leave a mark, but thanks to my wonderful bleeding disorder, I woke up with a black eye and a new boyfriend asking what the hell was wrong with me. So very early into our relationship I had to explain that life with me was full of scrapes and bruises (most of which, the cause is unknown) and that things like this were somewhat normal. From the beginning of the relationship my bruises were a source of conversation. I'm naturally clumsy and have kids climbing all over me at work (I'm a pre-school teacher), so it's normal for my arms and legs to be covered in bruises. I'm sure this is something that bothers my husband a lot, but I rarely hear him complain about it.
Fast forward 4 years to our wedding day . . . . . We got married on the most majestic beach in St. Thomas and I had the most beautiful dress. But what nobody knows, is that underneath my beautiful dress where two of the most battered knees from falling running up the stairs to my house just a few days before we left for our wedding/honeymoon. I spent the first few days of our honeymoon with bandages on my knee and a newly wed husband shaking his head every time someone asked us what happened. Luckily that's how he has learned to deal with it all . . . . he just shakes his head and laughs, while reassuring everyone that I just have a bleeding disorder.
I must say I feel the worst about all that he had to endure with the deliveries of our two children. Looking back . . . . both of my deliveries were a blood bath. My doctor who delivered my son, told my husband that in the 20 years she had been delivering, she had never experienced anything like it. Most people say that women are stronger than men. . . . this is one rare moment that I would disagree. My husband's strength for my children during those moments was amazing. I will never understand what it feels like to look down on the person you've vowed to spend the rest of your life with and think you are going to lose them . . . . . while looking at your child for the first time. I was unable to hold either kids due to after birth complications and my husband had to step up to the plate in both instances and did so admirably. I think he somewhat takes pride in knowing that he was such a big part of the first few hours of our children's lives and I truly believe it has given him a unique bond with both of them because of it. Unfortunately the Dr's have told us we shouldn't have any more kids which I know was a lot for my husband to process. We are very thankful for the two wonderful children that we were blessed with, but it still seems like a lot to swallow when we are reminded that we can't make the choice to have anymore.
People have and probably will always stare, joke, or just assume my husband is causing me harm and I will never understand what that's like for him. I can't remember a time when I wasn't covered in bruises, and as a child I was asked often if I was "OK" and if everything was "fine at home" . . . . so I've become pretty numb to people's questions and reactions. I don't hear the comments or see the looks like he does. My daughter and my bleeding disorder is always a source of conversation in our house and is at the top of the list with most decisions we make. My husbands life will forever be a little more complicated because he married me and has a child with Platelet Storage Pool Disorder. Any job we take, car we drive, activity we want to do or trip we want to go on, has to involve questions about how it affects our bleeding disorder. Fortunately I have an amazing husband who seems to take everything in stride. I would like to say that I'm the calm one of the family that does most of the positive encouragement, but I would be lying. We both have learned to find the positive in all of this and lean on each other for whatever support we need. In the long run we know that this is building the strength of our relationship and will take us through whatever hurdles we have down the road. . . .
I guess I should start from the beginning . . . . My husband and I met when he was finishing his last year at Chico State. On my first time visiting him for the weekend, I woke up to an accidental elbow to the face. To a normal person it was barely hard enough to leave a mark, but thanks to my wonderful bleeding disorder, I woke up with a black eye and a new boyfriend asking what the hell was wrong with me. So very early into our relationship I had to explain that life with me was full of scrapes and bruises (most of which, the cause is unknown) and that things like this were somewhat normal. From the beginning of the relationship my bruises were a source of conversation. I'm naturally clumsy and have kids climbing all over me at work (I'm a pre-school teacher), so it's normal for my arms and legs to be covered in bruises. I'm sure this is something that bothers my husband a lot, but I rarely hear him complain about it.
Fast forward 4 years to our wedding day . . . . . We got married on the most majestic beach in St. Thomas and I had the most beautiful dress. But what nobody knows, is that underneath my beautiful dress where two of the most battered knees from falling running up the stairs to my house just a few days before we left for our wedding/honeymoon. I spent the first few days of our honeymoon with bandages on my knee and a newly wed husband shaking his head every time someone asked us what happened. Luckily that's how he has learned to deal with it all . . . . he just shakes his head and laughs, while reassuring everyone that I just have a bleeding disorder.
I must say I feel the worst about all that he had to endure with the deliveries of our two children. Looking back . . . . both of my deliveries were a blood bath. My doctor who delivered my son, told my husband that in the 20 years she had been delivering, she had never experienced anything like it. Most people say that women are stronger than men. . . . this is one rare moment that I would disagree. My husband's strength for my children during those moments was amazing. I will never understand what it feels like to look down on the person you've vowed to spend the rest of your life with and think you are going to lose them . . . . . while looking at your child for the first time. I was unable to hold either kids due to after birth complications and my husband had to step up to the plate in both instances and did so admirably. I think he somewhat takes pride in knowing that he was such a big part of the first few hours of our children's lives and I truly believe it has given him a unique bond with both of them because of it. Unfortunately the Dr's have told us we shouldn't have any more kids which I know was a lot for my husband to process. We are very thankful for the two wonderful children that we were blessed with, but it still seems like a lot to swallow when we are reminded that we can't make the choice to have anymore.
People have and probably will always stare, joke, or just assume my husband is causing me harm and I will never understand what that's like for him. I can't remember a time when I wasn't covered in bruises, and as a child I was asked often if I was "OK" and if everything was "fine at home" . . . . so I've become pretty numb to people's questions and reactions. I don't hear the comments or see the looks like he does. My daughter and my bleeding disorder is always a source of conversation in our house and is at the top of the list with most decisions we make. My husbands life will forever be a little more complicated because he married me and has a child with Platelet Storage Pool Disorder. Any job we take, car we drive, activity we want to do or trip we want to go on, has to involve questions about how it affects our bleeding disorder. Fortunately I have an amazing husband who seems to take everything in stride. I would like to say that I'm the calm one of the family that does most of the positive encouragement, but I would be lying. We both have learned to find the positive in all of this and lean on each other for whatever support we need. In the long run we know that this is building the strength of our relationship and will take us through whatever hurdles we have down the road. . . .
Written by,
Kari Peepe
©KariPeepe/atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com
For more stories on having a solid support system of people who understand you and what you're going through please check out:
- Too Taboo to talk about/sex as a bleeder: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/08/too-taboo-to-talk-about.html
- It takes a village to help raise keep Scarlett safe: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/it-takes-village.html
- HFA's Symposium: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/04/hfa-symposium-2015-stlouis.html
- Finding strength through sharing our story: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/turning-35-changed-my-life.html
Written by,
Kari Peepe
©KariPeepe/atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com
For more stories on having a solid support system of people who understand you and what you're going through please check out:
- Too Taboo to talk about/sex as a bleeder: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/08/too-taboo-to-talk-about.html
- It takes a village to help raise keep Scarlett safe: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/it-takes-village.html
- HFA's Symposium: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/04/hfa-symposium-2015-stlouis.html
- Finding strength through sharing our story: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/turning-35-changed-my-life.html
For more on me and my health issues please check out:
- "I'm sorry you shouldn't have more kids": http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/09/sorry-you-shouldn-have-any-more-kids.html
- When life threatening situations become more life threatening: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/11/when-life-threatening-situations-become.html
- Momma's Turn: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/momma-turn.html
- Ovarian Cyst's are the pits: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/05/lady-problems.html
- Help Wanted, Seeking Dr who give a shit: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/03/help-wanted-seeking-dr-who-gives-shit.html
- I am PSPD: http://www2.bleedfree.com/bleedfree-blog/i-am-pspd
- Taking Care of the Caregiver: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/infusing-love-taking-care-of-patient.html
For more on me and my health issues please check out:
- "I'm sorry you shouldn't have more kids": http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/09/sorry-you-shouldn-have-any-more-kids.html
- When life threatening situations become more life threatening: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/11/when-life-threatening-situations-become.html
- Momma's Turn: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/momma-turn.html
- Ovarian Cyst's are the pits: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/05/lady-problems.html
- Help Wanted, Seeking Dr who give a shit: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/03/help-wanted-seeking-dr-who-gives-shit.html
- I am PSPD: http://www2.bleedfree.com/bleedfree-blog/i-am-pspd
- Taking Care of the Caregiver: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/infusing-love-taking-care-of-patient.html
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