Knowing how to discipline siblings when one of them has a bleeding disorder has become more challenging than I expected. I knew going into it, that limitations would have to be different in our house compared to others, but I never thought it would be so hard to enforce them or that I would suffer such guilt from it. My children are 3 1/2 years apart and couldn't be more different in personalities. My eldest Scarlett has a rare bleeding disorder and to no surprise has become pretty spoiled because of it. She was the first grandchild on both sides and for 3 1/2 years was very used to getting things her way. Then Walker came along. . . This cute little bundle of joy that had more energy and athleticism than most children I've seen. Walker likes to run around and bang on things and my daughter for the most part likes to do art, read books, and play with her toys. So it's no surprise that their personalities clash.
Ever since Walker was old enough to make contact with his sister he was getting told to "be careful" or "be easy"! I would assume testing the limits with rough housing is common in most homes. . . In some ways I think it's healthy for children to learn to stick up for themselves and siblings are usually a perfect venue for such lessons . . . . but in my house we just cant let it happen. A typical thrown toy or hit to the head gets a pretty big reaction in our house . . . . . usually with poor little Walker being the one that gets put on a time out. Explaining to a toddler to be gentle with his sister doesn't really work so we end up just having to keep them separate a lot of the time. And as he grows older I find myself wondering if he is getting the short end of the stick?
I never would've guessed making sure Walker is getting the attention he needs would be an issue, but it's becoming one, the older he gets. We do our best to treat them as equals but it's quite obvious Scarlett sucks up a lot of the energy through out the day. Our daily decisions usually involve her bleeding disorder in some form or another . . . . whether it's the park we want to play at, the toys we have, or the children we are allowed to play with . . . . . all involves worrying if it puts Scarlett in harms way. There are often times where trips to the park are cut short because she bumped her leg, or a toy get's taken away because it could potentially hurt his sister.
A lot of research says its normal for "non-affected" children to feel animosity and that the most we can do as parents, is to be open, honest, and try to set aside time for the "non-affected" child to share their feelings and assure them that they have a key and important role in the family too. Being raised in a family with two people affected by a bleeding disorder will probably affect my son in ways that I may never understand and that kills me. So far Walker doesn't show signs of being angry or jealous, but I can't help but wonder if his outbursts are a direct result of trying to get some attention. I worry that he experiences jealousy over the attention his sister receives, and I could only assume that's going to cause some major sibling rivalry as they get older. We try to keep an open forum in our house and once he's old enough, I'm hoping he feels comfortable sharing his thoughts about our bleeding disorder and I hope that will benefit him in the future.
Walker is 3 now and I know a lot of these concerns will only grow with age. Walker was tested early to see if he had Platelet Storage Pool Disorder and the tests came back negative . . . .but we are hoping to get him tested to see if he is a carrier of the disorder which could potentially change his future forever. I would like to say that on most days I try to use our disorder as a way to become stronger and try to remember God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, but there are some days I feel very defeated. Being diagnosed with a bleeding disorder affects everyone around you in some way or another and my son is no exception. I can only pray that I'm giving him the tools to use his sister and mothers diagnosis as a positive in his life, rather than something to fuel anger and jealousy. His life will forever be filled with questions and concerns about our bleeding disorder and I just hope with more research we can give him answers.
Ever since Walker was old enough to make contact with his sister he was getting told to "be careful" or "be easy"! I would assume testing the limits with rough housing is common in most homes. . . In some ways I think it's healthy for children to learn to stick up for themselves and siblings are usually a perfect venue for such lessons . . . . but in my house we just cant let it happen. A typical thrown toy or hit to the head gets a pretty big reaction in our house . . . . . usually with poor little Walker being the one that gets put on a time out. Explaining to a toddler to be gentle with his sister doesn't really work so we end up just having to keep them separate a lot of the time. And as he grows older I find myself wondering if he is getting the short end of the stick?
I never would've guessed making sure Walker is getting the attention he needs would be an issue, but it's becoming one, the older he gets. We do our best to treat them as equals but it's quite obvious Scarlett sucks up a lot of the energy through out the day. Our daily decisions usually involve her bleeding disorder in some form or another . . . . whether it's the park we want to play at, the toys we have, or the children we are allowed to play with . . . . . all involves worrying if it puts Scarlett in harms way. There are often times where trips to the park are cut short because she bumped her leg, or a toy get's taken away because it could potentially hurt his sister.
Walker is 3 now and I know a lot of these concerns will only grow with age. Walker was tested early to see if he had Platelet Storage Pool Disorder and the tests came back negative . . . .but we are hoping to get him tested to see if he is a carrier of the disorder which could potentially change his future forever. I would like to say that on most days I try to use our disorder as a way to become stronger and try to remember God wouldn't give me anything I couldn't handle, but there are some days I feel very defeated. Being diagnosed with a bleeding disorder affects everyone around you in some way or another and my son is no exception. I can only pray that I'm giving him the tools to use his sister and mothers diagnosis as a positive in his life, rather than something to fuel anger and jealousy. His life will forever be filled with questions and concerns about our bleeding disorder and I just hope with more research we can give him answers.
Written by,
Kari Peepe
Written by,
Kari Peepe
For more stories on raising children, when one of them has a bleeding disorder please check out:
- A Mother's Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-mother-guilt.html
- It Takes a Village: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/it-takes-village.html
- My little prince, (the non bleeder): http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-little-prince.html
- Family Fun Days-keeping the kids entertained safely: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/family-fun-days.html
- My son bites Scarlett: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/no-no-bite.html
- Another Day of Being Riddled w/Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/04/another-day-of-being-riddled-with-guilt.html
- Defending ourselves against others judgement: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-jackass-whisperer.html
- The What if's: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-what-ifs-of-life-with-bleeding.html
- A local flood, fills us with fear: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/flooded-with-fear.html
- Call me paranoid, but this is the parent I've become: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/call-me-paranoid-but.html
- Scarlett learns to give back: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-gift-of-giving.html
- Scarlett learns to advocate: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/proudest-momma-on-blockmy-little.html
- Becoming her own protector: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/infusing-loveher-own-protector.html
For more stories on raising children, when one of them has a bleeding disorder please check out:
- A Mother's Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-mother-guilt.html
- It Takes a Village: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/it-takes-village.html
- My little prince, (the non bleeder): http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-little-prince.html
- Family Fun Days-keeping the kids entertained safely: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/family-fun-days.html
- My son bites Scarlett: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/no-no-bite.html
- Another Day of Being Riddled w/Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/04/another-day-of-being-riddled-with-guilt.html
- Defending ourselves against others judgement: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-jackass-whisperer.html
- The What if's: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-what-ifs-of-life-with-bleeding.html
- A local flood, fills us with fear: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/flooded-with-fear.html
- Call me paranoid, but this is the parent I've become: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/call-me-paranoid-but.html
- Scarlett learns to give back: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-gift-of-giving.html
- Scarlett learns to advocate: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/proudest-momma-on-blockmy-little.html
- Becoming her own protector: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/infusing-loveher-own-protector.html
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