I think I reached my breaking point this weekend. What was supposed to be a calm, peaceful trip to the redwoods ended with my daughter and I in tears and me realizing there needs to be some big changes in our household.
My sweet, caring, intelligent daughter has turned into a master manipulator. Debating, crying or freaking out every time someone follows through on a consequence she has been threatened with. Because of the waterworks she usually puts on and because I feel so bad that I'm always telling her No because of her bleeding disorder, on usual circumstances, I must admit, we usually give in. . .Yesterday this was not the case.
I guess I should start from the beginning. Scarlett was up at her grandparents cabin for what was supposed to be a double sleepover. My husband, son and I joined her on the second afternoon and had taken the kids down to the playground and to explore their favorite giant redwood tree stumps. After feeling like I had been yelling at Scarlett all day for not making safe choices, our trip to the park was cut short after several warnings that continuous running and unsafe climbing would be sending us back to the cabin.
After what seemed like only minutes after getting in trouble down at the park. . .Her brother and her started wrestling around on the deck for the umpteenth time and I lost it. I feel like all I'm doing lately is yelling at the kids to play safely, all while they keep laughing and ignoring me completely. I threw out a threat I had to follow through with (Scarlett wouldn't be watching Frozen and spending a second night at the cabin, an event she had been anxiously anticipating for weeks) and I pretty much stormed out of the house. A parenting skill I'm not too proud of, but one I find myself doing cause I just can't raise my voice any louder and get no response. I went for a walk and by the time I returned I had a hysterical daughter, an upset husband, a mother who felt horrible and a concerned sister.
As we sat down for dinner my family had somewhat of a bleeders intervention with me.
I've gotten myself so caught up on all the what ifs with her bleeding disorder that I've turned into a very uptight and stressed out Mom. Going to the park or even playing outside has become something I don't enjoy doing because I feel like I'm in a state of panic watching Scarlett at play. My heart literally skips a beat every time she almost falls or hits her head and I always feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown trying to prevent any injuries. I feel like I'm going to give myself a heart attack or a stroke.
I've got to learn to let go. I'm putting too much pressure on myself to keep her safe and I'm forgetting the reality of the situation. I can't keep her safe. She has to learn how to be a kid. I've given her the tools and knowledge to know which activities are dangerous and have to start trusting she knows the difference. Maybe the only way she can learn to play safely, is if I set her free.
But how do you let go? How do you alter your maternal instincts to want to protect your child? I know that she needs to find her independence on her own and the only way she can do that is with testing her boundaries, but it's so hard to witness. Ordinary things all kids like to do . . . like climbing trees, throwing balls, going to the park and wrestling around are always cut short because my anxiety level is at it's peak, worrying that this is the bump that's going to land her in the ER. I don't know how to make those fears go away.
It's a balance I haven't found and fear if I don't find soon, is going to leave me with a very resentful little girl. I've got to learn to let go of all the fears and just let life happen. Something that seems so hard to do for a control freak like myself but one I know I need to do for not only my daughters sake, but my whole family.
My sweet, caring, intelligent daughter has turned into a master manipulator. Debating, crying or freaking out every time someone follows through on a consequence she has been threatened with. Because of the waterworks she usually puts on and because I feel so bad that I'm always telling her No because of her bleeding disorder, on usual circumstances, I must admit, we usually give in. . .Yesterday this was not the case.
I guess I should start from the beginning. Scarlett was up at her grandparents cabin for what was supposed to be a double sleepover. My husband, son and I joined her on the second afternoon and had taken the kids down to the playground and to explore their favorite giant redwood tree stumps. After feeling like I had been yelling at Scarlett all day for not making safe choices, our trip to the park was cut short after several warnings that continuous running and unsafe climbing would be sending us back to the cabin.
After what seemed like only minutes after getting in trouble down at the park. . .Her brother and her started wrestling around on the deck for the umpteenth time and I lost it. I feel like all I'm doing lately is yelling at the kids to play safely, all while they keep laughing and ignoring me completely. I threw out a threat I had to follow through with (Scarlett wouldn't be watching Frozen and spending a second night at the cabin, an event she had been anxiously anticipating for weeks) and I pretty much stormed out of the house. A parenting skill I'm not too proud of, but one I find myself doing cause I just can't raise my voice any louder and get no response. I went for a walk and by the time I returned I had a hysterical daughter, an upset husband, a mother who felt horrible and a concerned sister.
As we sat down for dinner my family had somewhat of a bleeders intervention with me.
I've gotten myself so caught up on all the what ifs with her bleeding disorder that I've turned into a very uptight and stressed out Mom. Going to the park or even playing outside has become something I don't enjoy doing because I feel like I'm in a state of panic watching Scarlett at play. My heart literally skips a beat every time she almost falls or hits her head and I always feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown trying to prevent any injuries. I feel like I'm going to give myself a heart attack or a stroke.
I've got to learn to let go. I'm putting too much pressure on myself to keep her safe and I'm forgetting the reality of the situation. I can't keep her safe. She has to learn how to be a kid. I've given her the tools and knowledge to know which activities are dangerous and have to start trusting she knows the difference. Maybe the only way she can learn to play safely, is if I set her free.
But how do you let go? How do you alter your maternal instincts to want to protect your child? I know that she needs to find her independence on her own and the only way she can do that is with testing her boundaries, but it's so hard to witness. Ordinary things all kids like to do . . . like climbing trees, throwing balls, going to the park and wrestling around are always cut short because my anxiety level is at it's peak, worrying that this is the bump that's going to land her in the ER. I don't know how to make those fears go away.
It's a balance I haven't found and fear if I don't find soon, is going to leave me with a very resentful little girl. I've got to learn to let go of all the fears and just let life happen. Something that seems so hard to do for a control freak like myself but one I know I need to do for not only my daughters sake, but my whole family.
Written by,
Kari Peepe
pspdaware@gmail.com
www.pspdaware.com
©KariPeepe/atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com
For more stories on raising children, when one of them has a bleeding disorder please check out
- Raising Siblings, when one of them has a special disorder: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/11/raising-siblings-when-one-of-them-has.html
- A Mother's Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-mother-guilt.html
- It Takes a Village: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/it-takes-village.html
- My little prince, (the non bleeder): http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-little-prince.html
- Family Fun Days-keeping the kids entertained safely: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/family-fun-days.html
- My son bites Scarlett: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/no-no-bite.html
- Another Day of Being Riddled w/Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/04/another-day-of-being-riddled-with-guilt.html
- The What if's: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-what-ifs-of-life-with-bleeding.html
- A local flood, fills us with fear: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/flooded-with-fear.html
- Call me paranoid, but this is the parent I've become: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/call-me-paranoid-but.html
- Scarlett learns to give back: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-gift-of-giving.html
- Scarlett learns to advocate: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/proudest-momma-on-blockmy-little.html
- Becoming her own protector: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/infusing-loveher-own-protector.html
Written by,
Kari Peepe
©KariPeepe/atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com
For more stories on raising children, when one of them has a bleeding disorder please check out
- Raising Siblings, when one of them has a special disorder: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/11/raising-siblings-when-one-of-them-has.html
- A Mother's Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-mother-guilt.html
- It Takes a Village: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2013/12/it-takes-village.html
- My little prince, (the non bleeder): http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-little-prince.html
- Family Fun Days-keeping the kids entertained safely: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/family-fun-days.html
- My son bites Scarlett: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/02/no-no-bite.html
- Another Day of Being Riddled w/Guilt: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/04/another-day-of-being-riddled-with-guilt.html
- The What if's: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-what-ifs-of-life-with-bleeding.html
- A local flood, fills us with fear: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/flooded-with-fear.html
- Call me paranoid, but this is the parent I've become: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2014/12/call-me-paranoid-but.html
- Scarlett learns to give back: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-gift-of-giving.html
- Scarlett learns to advocate: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/proudest-momma-on-blockmy-little.html
- Becoming her own protector: http://atouchofscarlett.blogspot.com/2015/10/infusing-loveher-own-protector.html
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